Funny Quote

"Whenever my kids are having trouble at school, I like to tell them about myself when I was a kid. I wasn't very big, I wasn't the smartest, I wasn't the best in sports and, yes, I did get beat-up a lot. Unfortunately, that's where the story ends, so it doesn't usually cheer them up much." - Alf Whit

Elevator

"To me, an elevator is a coffin on a string. Dangling over an abyss. It's like a casket yo-yo. Remember the plane crash in the Andes? When the survivors ate the dead passengers? I'm not proud of this but when I take an elevator, I bring a knife and fork and pray for fat passengers." - Carolyn May

Dream

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said with a smile. The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home. That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"