A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. "I'm sorry," said the old lady, "but I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door. The young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because my electricity was cut off this morning."
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I got married?"